Only in Bali: The $300 ruin we lived to tell

My new outing to Bali gave me an holiday full of hashtag trends that finished Melbourne’s hipster suburb of Northcote demeanour like Tamworth in a ’80s.

You see when we go to Bali, we do it right. In a ’90s we parasailed, danced during a Sari Club and came home with braids. In 2006, we hiked a volcano, drank during swim-up bars, snorkelled Nusa Lembongan, and in 2012 took roller lessons, had cocktails during Potato Head Beach Club and returned with a snakeskin bag.

So in late 2017, we continued a tradition of being a sheep and doing all that everybody else was doing.

I am gratified to exhibit a tip 10 trends subsequent that in 20 years’ time will no doubt be looked behind in a approach removing a Southern Cross tattoo while dipsomaniac in Kuta was for a ’90s.


The initial and many apparent thing going on was people dinking internal dogs around city on scooters. It was easy to find a ride, any second emporium rents scooters for $5 per day. we found my pooch-opportunity around a lady from a Bali Dog Adoption and Rehabilitation Centre (BARC) who was holding a few rescues to a beach. While removing a change of bag, physique and dog was difficult, we managed to force Sir-Barks-A-Lot in a trek and take him for his initial paddle during Echo Beach, Canggu. Box ticked.

Scooter, check. Dog, check.


Bali’s GoJek app is an impassioned UberEATS: home-delivering anything from cleaners and hairdressers to a bag of ice. Boasting abilities demand, a some-more absurd a better. So when BARC-lady invited me over after a large night out for “an IV liberation sesh” we frankly agreed. She requisitioned us in with The Dose, a association that delivers vitamin IV therapy to your villa. With treatments that support dengue-fever, tackle anti-ageing and boost immunity, and boosters of vitamins, zinc and antioxidants, we would be as colourful and spritely as a open lamb. Two nurses arrived on a dot, and got true to work. They strung adult IV bags, wiped a strength and extrinsic a needles, pumping vitamin-infused glass into a veins while we gleefully Snapchatted a whole process. BARC illuminated adult a ciggie and a nurses chuckled, “Always cigarettes and beers for Aussies removing IV therapy”. The whole routine took an hour and we was left $100 poorer though feeling distant reduction hung-over.

About $100 buys a hangover heal approach to your villa.


Botox, fillers, laser, dentistry. Every fifth chairman – masculine or womanlike – was removing pumped or plumped. we arrived during Australian-founded, multi-award winning, Gattica-esque Cocoon Medial Spa for my initial ever Botox. we put my life and my face in a hands of a dilettante who looked like a Year 12 tyro who suggested me: “You don’t need Botox, though we have Australian skin – get a Vampire Facial”. Known as Platelet Rich Plasma Therapy this injectable diagnosis – finished renouned by Kim Kardashian – is meant to support your physique in regulating a possess “enriched” blood, as a form of anti-ageing. The $300 Bali cost tab contra $1000 in Australia had me pointer on a dotted line.

A helper whose verbatim pursuit for dual hours was to “cheer” me on, hold my palm as a alloy took viles of blood from my arm and stabbed my face 100 times with a needle that felt as blunt as a Grade 5 compass (I could hear my skin mangle with any cut – anguish is not an adequate description). My domestic began chanting “no pain, no gain” as a alloy distant a red from a white blood cells, and came toward me with a platelet-filled syringe. It was same to being injected with wasps that had been set on glow and were squirting poison in me. As we sat dumbfounded in a liberation room, a Queenslander who had usually had her second Vampire Facial of a year patted my knee. “Well done. we kept 3 Endones from my breast-implant operation for this. I’ve given birth to twins – a Vampire Facial is worse”.

The Vampire Facial: Agony is not an adequate description.


Bikram, vinyasa, ashtanga, yin have all been transposed with aerial yoga. Using splendid materials strung from a roof, yoginis turn and pitch their approach by positions and poses. we sealed adult to a category during Samadi, a wellness centre, cafeteria and accommodation that binds a renouned organic Sunday market. we was a usually one there in a bikini and sarong, and after one quite elastic poise we realised because everybody else has on active wear. we spent a rest of a category with my legs closed, relaxing like we was in a hammock, so can contend we rarely suggest perplexing this trend.


Perched on a cliffs above Echo Beach’s glittery volcanic sand, Bali’s newest sunset-bar La Brisa (opened Sep 2017) is built around palm trees and has a posh, Never-Neverland feel to it. A splendid blue swimming pool sits executive to a two-storey bar and grill of whitewashed wood, interlaced with paths lined by chunky-rope, nautical nets, swing-chairs, daybeds and building tables. The mostly seafood menu delivered me an implausible chargrilled-octopus plate that we enjoyed with 4 too many cocktails and nonetheless a prices were tres Sydney, we didn’t care. we had found beach-bar sky and reclined happily underneath angel lights and palm leaves, sipping mai tais as a sky incited from blue to pinkish to black. Highly, rarely recommended.


Parasailing, snorkelling and surfing are out – scuba diving a coral crusted waters of Bali is IN. Intrinity Divers is Bali’s usually diving propagandize specialising in training kids from 8 years upwards to scuba (from $75), also charity day-dives ($150), certifications ($480), free-diving and roller apnoea. Founder and instructor Rachel Hyde’s passion finished a many shy beginner (aka me) relax with her tales of clams, seahorses and bogan weddings. we saw all of a sea creatures, including things with teeth that didn’t eat me, and as we returned home around a rice fields we wondered because it had taken me this prolonged to scuba.

The coolest approach to see Bali.


According to a organisation of Canadians we met during a organic CafĂ© Vida, removing transport recommendation from people on Tinder was a usually approach to try Bali – so we swiped right and matched with “Antonio”. He could spell, so we organised to accommodate for cooking during his favourite place Deus – a motorbike store, live-music venue, grill and bar in one. After eating “the best burger on a island” he took me for a splash during Pretty Poison (where skaters were regulating a dull pool as a half-pipe) and invited me to a surf-party a few nights later. He afterwards sent me hotel and sauna recommendations, and bending me adult with a tattoo-artist in box we wanted to get some ink. we didn’t, though a sauna he sent me to – Goldust – gave me a best massage and facial of my hashtag life.


If we don’t take an forever pool photo, are we certain we went to Bali? we requisitioned into Ubud’s Pertiwi Bisma 2 for dual reasons: it was shining value for $60 per apartment per night (via, and it had not one, though dual forever pools. Backed onto jungle connected to a Monkey Forest, a tip pool ignored thatched bungalow rooves, while a bottom pool was dangling over a rapids and stream creation it a ultimate place for that Instagram shot. we sent it to friends whose responses were indignant emoji faces, and was so satisfied.

A Bali forever pool experience: A contingency for your Insta feed.


Bali’s silver, bullion and crystals trade is renowned, creation it unfit for we not to accommodate a trinket engineer when visiting. While watchful for an Ecstatic Dance category during The Yoga Barn, – Ubud’s epicentre for trends – we met a Russian singer who had changed to Bali to start Plume Angel Project feathered hair accessories, handmade by Balinese women, and sole online around a world. While watchful for my uncanny dance category to start, she put a few in my curly locks, and we spent a subsequent hour swishing around a room with 120 hippies, feeling really fanciful and birdlike. we beheld thereafter, any third chairman had feathers unresolved off their head, and we knew we had ticked that trend good.

Forget braids, a new Bali hair is all about feathers.


The thing to move home from Bali is not clothes, home-deco, a Bintang singlet or a intimately transmitted disease, though Snapchats, Instagram likes, new friends, pointless treatments and stupid practice we can’t do anywhere else but profitable a explosve or being arrested.

Bali’s stream trends = rarely recommended.

Rice fields are always on trend.

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